What are the odds?

Let me tell you a story …. and it’s true.

So it started maybe three weeks ago…. I began to feel someone more strongly around us – not just at home but also out. This isn’t unusual. It’s been happening to me since I was a kid. I’ve just learned to live with the passing parade 🙂 But this was different. As we got closer to Samhain they got more…. insistent. Not only were the familiar “out of the corner of the eye” flashes occurring, but I was actually running into them – literally – and when we were away from home. Like when my husband and I went shopping, I was looking at him while talking and when I turned back I was stopped in my tracks and said “Oh sorry!” because I thought I’d run into someone … who wasn’t there.

Then my husband started to experience it … that’s when I knew this wasn’t “usual” for us. Someone had something to say and they needed to say it NOW!

Probably a week ago I was at my desk working when I was gripped by a sudden pain in my chest – but not my chest – more like my entire ribcage was being hugged tight and I became breathless. “This is it!” I thought. I’m having a heart attack. Then it went. It came and went – with no other heart attack-like symptoms – for the rest of the day. I made an appointment with a chiropractor the next day thinking I’d done something to my back (I’ve lived at chiropractors almost monthly since I was 11 getting relief from ballet-induced chronic skeletal dysfunction). But by the time the morning came it was like nothing had happened.

I decided to investigate further. Someone was clearly trying to get my attention. I’d had experiences like this in the past. As an empath it’s often difficult for me to tell whether my “pains” are mine or someone else’s – and in the case of departed friends or relatives they let me know they’re around – or say goodbye – by sharing with me their pain. Like my best friend who died of peritonitis after battling ovarian cancer who visited me an hour before she crossed over with an excruciating pain in my abdomen at around 1.30am – and I found out the next morning she had passed at around 3am.

So I went to an intuitive friend to tell her what had happened and she got the similar “heart attack” like signs and felt perhaps the visitor had died of a sudden heart attack and was trying to let me know it was them. The only relatives I’d known who had died suddenly like this were my two grandfathers neither of whom I knew very well – one not at all. What could THEY want with me? Later my friend went home and did a reading. She drew King of Wands; 8 of Wands reversed; and 4 of Cups. The last two were very clearly talking to me and warning me about the way I was responding to a particular situation in my life right now. That was totally 100% clear. But the King of Wands? That wasn’t me. Was it the messenger? I didn’t know anyone who was both charismatic, charming, arrogant but also compassionate. This didn’t describe any of the male relatives in my life who had crossed over.

When discussing it with my husband later that night, completely out of the blue he said “What if it’s ….?” The name he mentioned was a partner I had 30 years ago – an incredibly abusive relationship where I was physically, emotionally and psychologically violated. It led to an Intervention Order after he broke my nose at work when I tried to break up with him. I was living in a completely different State from him now and had been for 20+ years. He fit the description though  but I didn’t think he was dead. “Go check” my husband said. So I did.

Image: www.itv.com

Some internet research later and he was indeed still alive – had spent the majority of the last 30 years repaying what can only be called a karmic debt with illness, loneliness, and – as it turned out – at least two recent heart attacks. As at 2018, he’s 53. As far as I could tell he’d never been married; never had kids. But he homed rescue cats. (A never before seen sign of ‘compassion’ in a man I knew as arrogant, narcissistic, but charming, persuasive, even kind to others?) Was this the King of Wands and were my symptoms my messenger directing me to THIS person? I dug further …. and then I saw it.

What are the odds that the universe would put this person – who nearly killed me, with the results of his abuse affecting me even today and rippling out to also affect my husband and daughter – literally smack bang in the middle of my world again? He had purchased a house in the middle of the area my husband and I had been researching for the last 18 months to relocate. No one knew exactly where we were looking. I’d not put anything publicly on social media. In a world this big – in a country the size of ours – what are the odds that he would land literally in the middle of the area we were researching?

So clearly my messenger was giving me a warning – to slow down; to think; to evaluate what I have and not be so frustrated with things not happening as quickly as I’d like – and then in no uncertain terms pointing me to the direct warning – that this person was back.

Now – what to do? Do I continue to let him impact our lives and the decisions we make by changing our plans? Do I ignore it and run the risk of running into him? Chances are he hasn’t even thought about me in 30 years. He never admitted to what he did – even in court – and has never apologised. He’s taken no responsibility at all. Perhaps he wouldn’t recognise me. Perhaps we would never run into each other. Is it time I just “let it go” and “move on”? But can I live with the knowledge that instead of hundreds of miles away he’s literally five minutes up the road? How can you “let go” of the trauma caused by abusive relationships – that leave both physical and psychological/emotional scars?

And is this lesson from the universe for me at all? Or is it for him? He has no clue where I am but what would HE do if he ran into ME? Would he recognise me? Would he apologise? Would he be aggressive? Or would this be his chance after two life-threatening events and a debilitating illness to own up to what he did all those years ago and apologise?

My daughter asked me what I’d do if I saw him. I have no idea. More importantly, I have no idea what my partner (who has lived with the results of this man’s abuse including comforting me after I woke from nightmares and my physical ‘remoteness’) would do. He’s involved in this too. Is it easier just to head in the other direction? By doing so am I denying HIM an opportunity to make reparation and take responsibility? Or do I refuse to let him continue to impact us at all?

Right now … I have no idea what we’re going to do….

As for who was trying to wake me up? I still don’t know but am grateful for the heads up. And it certainly reminded me not to ignore messages we’re being sent!

 

© Earth Goddess Wisdom – www.earthgoddesswisdom.com

 


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