Insensitive?

I saw this post shared by Prince EA on Facebook today and whilst I actually didn’t have the most awesome relationship with my mum, I was struck by some of the comments. Some ofrespect and cherish your mum them totally beggar belief. Desperate cries for likes and attention – desperate cries for validation. It’s sad. Here’s a selection:

Yeah only if your mother wasn’t a borderline personality psychotic abusive put me in foster care and then never explain to me why crazy b**** then yeah your mom’s your best friend otherwise no she’s not. Not fortunate enough to have one of those.

This statement is grossly incorrect for those of us with abusive and/or substance addicted mothers. While I rejoice that your own relationship was positive, not all are so blessed. Posts such as this one are both hurtful and harmful to the children of abusive mothers regardless of age, amount of time passed, or amount of counseling.

What are you talking about?? My mother tried to smother me w a pillow when I was 9, is a lifetime alcoholic, had my 2 sisters taken away and put into foster care TWICE. This meme is bullshit.

Having a crazy alcoholic mother [and father] does not make for happy warm fuzzy childhood memories. That’s why when I see something like this I sigh. It discounts 10s o thousands of people’s childhoods. Insensitive at best.

I like most of the things you post BUT this one needs to be taken down…THIS IS HURTFULL IN MORE WAY THAN YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW.

My mother is gone and thank God there is no one like her. Some people’s mothers are broken to put it kindly. Let’s show a little sensitivity to those who had a less than perfect experience ok?

 

I feel bad for their experiences. But how is this “insensitive”? I hear the people who say “But not all mums are great”. Nor all fathers for that matter – I had one who was abusive – physically and emotionally – who used to drown us in the pool; suffocate my little brother with a pillow; humiliate us in front of others; … and more … but I don’t take it personally or find it insensitive when people post about how much they miss their dad or that he was the hero of their life or they just love him to distraction. I accept that people are different and people’s experiences are different. I don’t take their joy as a personal affront to my experience. I think “Good for you – wish mine had been different”. But it wasn’t. And that’s okay.  I still believe all parents do the best they can with what they were given. Sometimes that’s “not good enough” but they still did their best.

What’s NOT okay is for people to shut down others because THEY feel ‘offended’ by a post they consider ‘insensitive’. One comment was that it was insensitive to the “tens of thousands of us who suffered abuse by our mothers”. What about the MILLIONS who didn’t? They should ignore this, keep quiet, NOT celebrate her, so you don’t ‘feel bad’? What about those of us who didn’t have a great parent but are trying desperately to BE one? To break that mould?

I feel badly for people in this situation but you cannot define your life by your past experiences. They shape you but they don’t have to define you. That becomes your choice.

To all the great mums – and dads – Bravo to you! It’s a tough gig.

To those who aren’t so great – you probably don’t even know you’re doing it. We all make mistakes. And I hope you can do better. If it’s substance abuse based, I hope you can get help.

For those who suffered or still suffer – try and let it go and move on – it doesn’t define who you are as a person – it’s not your fault. Get help if you can’t. But don’t diminish someone else’s experience because of your own.

That’s the real insensitivity in my opinion.

 

© Earth Goddess Wisdom – www.earthgoddesswisdom.com

Want to Leave a Reply?